Gimmeee....

Can't believe Christmas is almost here!! This is the time of year I think I find myself reflecting back the most, and this year is no exception. This will be our first Christmas without Brandon's dad, and I find myself thinking about him alot. Thinking back on past Christmas'..Wishing I would have gotten one last picture of him with the kids. Remembering how sick and miserable he was last  Christmas, but he still made it by to see the kids even if only for a few minutes. I am trying to grasp that this Christmas he is happy and healthy! No more Pain or struggling and he WILL get to see the kids :)

Lately, I have been worried that with my kids I am failing to teach them the true meaning of giving and recieving..They all have the "gimmeeees". I know that some of it is their ages and some of it is just being kids and being excited, but I worry that I am not teaching them what it really is all about. And this is when my lessons from Gary come to mind. I think about how little he had and how he struggled to make ends meet. But how he managed to pull together something special for me and my kids at hollidays. It may have came from the dollar tree but it was what he could do. It was a sacrifice, it was from his heart and it was so very special. Looking back, I didn't express enough to my kids how special these gifts were. For a few reasons..Right or wrong, I tried to protect my kids from  knowing the pain of everything their Grandpa faced. ANd two, you never know what will come out of little mouths ;) So this year, I hope to "squeeze in" a little talk about Grandpa and how precious those gifts were. Not to give them a guilt trip, but to really help them to know what gift giving is all about, and to help them see what an awesome person Grandpa was. It doesn't have to be exactly what we want or the most expensive, but something that the giver gave from their heart and felt we were special enough to  recieve :) Merry Christmas to you all! Enjoy your time and treasure your family and friends!

Halloween..BOO hoo

Halloween is here...This will be the first Halloween without Brandon's dad. Most people would think this isn't a big deal it is only halloween, not for me. Over the last few years halloween has been a big deal with grandpa Gary! Even though some years he was very sick or had next to no money he still INSISTED I brought the kids by so he could see them in their costumes. He always found a way to get to the store and make a special little treat bag for each of them. He loved my boys so much, and I will always appreciate the love and acceptance he showed the older boys when they came to live with us! The joy on his face when the kids walked in was precious :)

As I was thinking about Halloween I started to think about the other hollidays coming up. Lots of memories of past hollidays with Gary came flooding back! I will never forget  one Christmas before we had kids and Gary went Christmas shopping for Brandon and I at the bar while he was working! LOL Each of our little bags consisted of a pack of smokes, doritos, a candy bar, lotto ticket, and a small bottle of liqour!! We laughed and laughed that Christmas, but over the years he taught me something very important. No matter how busy we are or how little we have, We always have SOMETHING we can do or give to others. He was such a great guy and I really miss him.  

:(

The time has come to say good bye...To Brandon's dad. In my 31 years of life this has to be one of the hardest times ever! Making sure I do all I can to help my husband and his family through this process, trying to visit, juggle the house and kids, and having to explain things and guide my children through this extremely painful time in our lives.I am losing my biggest cheerleader. I am very thankful for all of the friends and family we have that are helping our family right now..The help, visits, calls, texts, messages, babysitters have ALL been such a blessing! We appreciate them so much! We know that there is not much time left with his dad. Please pray that he is able to stay as comfortable as possible and that God continues to give Brandon and his family the courage and strength to get through this heart breaking time. I am losing my biggest cheerleader..Gary has always loved me, welcomed me, and treated me like his own..He has encouraged me through hard times and he probably doesn't even know how much that has meant to me and how much he will be missed!

Hatred = Christ?? since when??

WOW it's been awhile! I have a lot on my mind as usual, but today I want to touch on a very touchy topic... GAYS! Most everyone knows that Obama took his stance on gay marriage today, and as I sat reading various posts it came to my attention that some Christians are giving us a bad reputation :( Don't get me wrong, I uderstand taking a stand for your beliefs and everyone has a right to their own opinion BUT the hatred and ignorance that people are displaying all in the name of love for their God?? Remember that Jesus died for EVERYONE, not just people that are "good". How can we as Christians expect to win people to Christ when they see such ugliness and hatred pouring out? I am sorry, but that doesn't scream Jesus to me! In fact, I wouldn't even be in church today if it wasn't for my loving and accepting church family and pastor and his wife. When Brandon and I were living together before we were married and wanted to go to church they accepted us with open loving arms! Did we know they didn't agree with what we were doing? YES! Did they have to hate on us and judge us for us to see our error? NO It was through love and kindness shown to us that made us want to be more like Christ. Believe me..I get where christians are coming from, and honestly I don't know what to think about everything. But I do know that it is not my place to judge them as I have PLENTY of sin in my own life. And that is even if being gay is a sin..IN my mind the jury is still out on that one.With that being said, you can take a stand and follow him without spreading and teaching hate to your children! I also wonder how many people who are so against gays have ever sat and talked with a gay person...It's really not that scary..I promise! One of my best Friends happens to be gay :)

THE BIG THREE- OH!!

Wow, I can't believe it has been so long since I last blogged! The last 10 months have went by so quickly and alot has changed in our family. The kids are all doing well and the adoption of our oldest boys was finally done in April :)

My latest adventure has been my new group I started on FB! I turned  30 in June and it really had me take a step back and look at my life and ask some really hard Questions..Some of these questions  included; what have I done for others to make a difference? Am I teaching my children to help others? What am I going to do with the next thirty years?? So  I had to ask myself.. Why am I NOT doing these things? The answer came to me and it was pretty simple. I had NO clue how to help or where to help! It had me wondering if I was the only person that felt this way. So I decided to start a group on FB where people could go for easy access to find out ways that they could help in our community! I called around to several agencies and asked them what their needs were. I couldn't believe all the needs I was hearing. They are HUGE :( The response to my group has been really encouraging and so far in just a little over a month our group has been able to help in several different ways in our community and I have been able to include my boys and start to teach them the joys of giving! The group is "Step up and help out!" on Facebook. Feel free to check us out!

So turning 30 hasn't been all bad. It was just what  I needed ;)

The Season of Giving!!!

Well, it's here!!! Christmas time!!! Today I decided to go through all of the kids' presents from Santa and see who all had what and maybe even start wrapping. WHOA! These kids have made out like bandits this year. I seperated it all and then realized..I still have an agency that wanted to donate presents to the boys this year that I have to collect presents from!! WHen the lady called I politely explained to her that my kids already get PLENTY of gifts and that i was sure there were other kids that needed those presents way more, but she insisted. So as I sat here thinking, lots of thoughts ran through my head. Should I save some presents back for birthdays?? Should I give them away?? Should I just let my kids have them and just consider it a "great" Christmas?? This whole Holliday season I have been trying to come up with ways to teach my kids ways to help and serve others. We have talked about the homeless and what all we have to be thankful for, rang the bells for the Salvation Army, And donated our cans to the school for the food drive, but it hasn't really felt like "enough".

So the thought came to me..Maybe they could have the presents and pick any present to donate! Of course I realized they would definately pick the present that they wanted the least...And who could blame them????

And then it hit me!! How often do I pick my favorite thing to donate?? Would I be willing to give my tv to somebody that really would love to have one?? Would I be willing to go down to a one-car family to give a family a car that didn't even have one?? It is pretty easy to donate the things we want to get rid of or clean out the cabinets to send the kids to school with the number of cans suggested to donate. WOW Is this what I am teaching my boys?

And to think, God sent me the perfect and most wonderful Christmas present of all time..His SON! He gave his best for me..Why is it hard to do the same?? Standing here Knee high in presents from Santa and God decided I needed a little reality check! Just wanted to share, thought maybe I am not the only one this season that could use this ;)

Our story :)

Yesterday was a very special day for our family...Our boys came to live with us 2 years ago on September 12, 2008! As I was sitting here last night thinking about the Journey we have been on over the last 5 years I decided that "our Story" is just too exciting to not share!

Brandon and I were married on October 1, 2005. We decided that we wanted to have kids right away and by the end of october I was off the pill! Neither Brandon and I are patient people, and we both want what we want when we want it! So this would be great! I would be pregnant in just a few months and we would have a little bundle of joy to call our own in just a few short months!! Right?? (This is when I am pretty sure God had to chuckle) Little did we know, He had a much greater plan for our family!

Months went by...Nothing!! Two years later and probably 100 pregnancy tests later lol no baby! WHAT!?! This doesn't happen..I am used to getting what I wanted. If I want a baby then that is what I will have! All of the why's raced through my head. Why not?? why them?? Why would God let crackheads get pregnant and not me?? (and yes that was a real question that I asked God) After all, babies are a blessing from God right? SO why would he bless others and not me?? I went through every emotion possible. Trying to not be angry with God. For some reason I thought he couldn't read my mind :) But he knew! He knew how I was feeling and He created me with those feelings! He did care, He just needed me to learn a few lessons and he had much more in store for me than just what I was asking him for!

I ran into a teacher from Highschool and as we were catching up the dreaded question popped up.."any kids yet?" Fighting back the tears I explained our situation. She went on to tell me about the three children her husband and her had adopted through foster care. "You should do it, steph!!" Quickly I told her that I just knew fostercare wan't for us. I didn't think I could handle having to give a child back after becoming attached. I also didn't think I could handle seeing just how many kids needed a home and having to turn them away because we couldn't help them all!

I went home that night and mentioned to Brandon the conversation I had had that day...Could we do that?? Would it work?? Maybe I should check into it?? I decided to call DCFS and just find out a little more info :) Well, it wasn't long and they were at our house lol Going over everything and signing us up for the necessary classes. Everything happened so fast and BOOM we were licensed foster parents. It was a very scary time for us, but also exciting! It wasn't long and we started getting calls for placements, but none of them worked out...they didn't need us to take the kids afterall. We had decided that we would take kids in and help them while we waited for "our own child".

A couple of months after we were licensed I got a call about two little boys ages 6 and 3. They were looking for a home that would be willing to adopt them if the case turned that way..WHOA! Adoption??? We hadn't even thought that way..It really scared us, and we quickly told her no. But those two little boys stayed on my heart and on my mind for the next two weeks! Should I call her back and see if they had found them a home?? How could I have said no?? I talked to Brandon and we decided if she called back it was meant to be. We got the call the next day :) The goal had changed from them being adopted to trying to get them back to their parents! They were moving in!

Logan and Charlie moved in and quickly became our boys! Suddenly I couldn't imagine life without them! I wanted the goal to change back to adoption (if , that was what was best for them). We went on with life and enjoyed being parents to these two little guys. Something was still missing..I still struggled with not knowing why God wasn't giving us a baby! And Then it happened...

In August of 2009 we found out I was pregnant! A week later we found out we could adopt the boys! And that was when my stubborn, selfish eyes were opened! All of the time I was worried about poor little old me and how i didn't get what I wanted, and God apparently hated me lol He had a MUCH bigger plan! He needed me to learn to lean on him and trust that he really does have a plan! He was also trying to teach me patience although I don't think we quite got that one down :) You see, had I gotten pregnant almost 5 years ago when we first got married, we would have never done fostercare and I would have never recieved the two little blessings I now call my sons! God has also shown me that my boys weren't ready a year ago to have a baby brother..they needed to know that they were safe and secure with Brandon and I and that that was never going to change! Now as I look at my three boys that God has blessed me with and watch the bond that is growing between these brothers Tears fill my eyes..How could I have ever doubted God?? He knew exactly what he was doing, and I thank him everyday :) No matter what battle you are facing, remember that God is there and he does have a reason for everything! It may take 5 years to get a yes :)