Our story :)

Yesterday was a very special day for our family...Our boys came to live with us 2 years ago on September 12, 2008! As I was sitting here last night thinking about the Journey we have been on over the last 5 years I decided that "our Story" is just too exciting to not share!

Brandon and I were married on October 1, 2005. We decided that we wanted to have kids right away and by the end of october I was off the pill! Neither Brandon and I are patient people, and we both want what we want when we want it! So this would be great! I would be pregnant in just a few months and we would have a little bundle of joy to call our own in just a few short months!! Right?? (This is when I am pretty sure God had to chuckle) Little did we know, He had a much greater plan for our family!

Months went by...Nothing!! Two years later and probably 100 pregnancy tests later lol no baby! WHAT!?! This doesn't happen..I am used to getting what I wanted. If I want a baby then that is what I will have! All of the why's raced through my head. Why not?? why them?? Why would God let crackheads get pregnant and not me?? (and yes that was a real question that I asked God) After all, babies are a blessing from God right? SO why would he bless others and not me?? I went through every emotion possible. Trying to not be angry with God. For some reason I thought he couldn't read my mind :) But he knew! He knew how I was feeling and He created me with those feelings! He did care, He just needed me to learn a few lessons and he had much more in store for me than just what I was asking him for!

I ran into a teacher from Highschool and as we were catching up the dreaded question popped up.."any kids yet?" Fighting back the tears I explained our situation. She went on to tell me about the three children her husband and her had adopted through foster care. "You should do it, steph!!" Quickly I told her that I just knew fostercare wan't for us. I didn't think I could handle having to give a child back after becoming attached. I also didn't think I could handle seeing just how many kids needed a home and having to turn them away because we couldn't help them all!

I went home that night and mentioned to Brandon the conversation I had had that day...Could we do that?? Would it work?? Maybe I should check into it?? I decided to call DCFS and just find out a little more info :) Well, it wasn't long and they were at our house lol Going over everything and signing us up for the necessary classes. Everything happened so fast and BOOM we were licensed foster parents. It was a very scary time for us, but also exciting! It wasn't long and we started getting calls for placements, but none of them worked out...they didn't need us to take the kids afterall. We had decided that we would take kids in and help them while we waited for "our own child".

A couple of months after we were licensed I got a call about two little boys ages 6 and 3. They were looking for a home that would be willing to adopt them if the case turned that way..WHOA! Adoption??? We hadn't even thought that way..It really scared us, and we quickly told her no. But those two little boys stayed on my heart and on my mind for the next two weeks! Should I call her back and see if they had found them a home?? How could I have said no?? I talked to Brandon and we decided if she called back it was meant to be. We got the call the next day :) The goal had changed from them being adopted to trying to get them back to their parents! They were moving in!

Logan and Charlie moved in and quickly became our boys! Suddenly I couldn't imagine life without them! I wanted the goal to change back to adoption (if , that was what was best for them). We went on with life and enjoyed being parents to these two little guys. Something was still missing..I still struggled with not knowing why God wasn't giving us a baby! And Then it happened...

In August of 2009 we found out I was pregnant! A week later we found out we could adopt the boys! And that was when my stubborn, selfish eyes were opened! All of the time I was worried about poor little old me and how i didn't get what I wanted, and God apparently hated me lol He had a MUCH bigger plan! He needed me to learn to lean on him and trust that he really does have a plan! He was also trying to teach me patience although I don't think we quite got that one down :) You see, had I gotten pregnant almost 5 years ago when we first got married, we would have never done fostercare and I would have never recieved the two little blessings I now call my sons! God has also shown me that my boys weren't ready a year ago to have a baby brother..they needed to know that they were safe and secure with Brandon and I and that that was never going to change! Now as I look at my three boys that God has blessed me with and watch the bond that is growing between these brothers Tears fill my eyes..How could I have ever doubted God?? He knew exactly what he was doing, and I thank him everyday :) No matter what battle you are facing, remember that God is there and he does have a reason for everything! It may take 5 years to get a yes :)

Knock, knock! Who's there??

Warning!! This blog is pre-menstrual, reader discretion IS advised!!

To put it mildly.. this has not been a good week! I have been in a poor me kind of mood. (totally blaming it on hormones) lol. Nothing has gone right, My brother winds up in the hospital with a very scary and rare disease, and I have been let down or had my feelings hurt about 10 different times this week by different family members or friends! Sound whiny and pathetic yet?? lol Oh, I could go on but pretty sure you get the point :)

So it has me sitting here thinking.... Why is it so hard to open up and let people in??? I will tell you...The more friends you have the more chances you have of getting hurt. Sounds pretty simple, but it isn't. As I get older I am learning a lot about myself. I don't like to let people get close to me for fear of rejection or getting hurt. So if you are one of my 5 friends and are still on the list lol then i guess consider yourself lucky. Lucky that I am willing to take a chance with you and trusting you to not hurt me.

I realize also that people are human and selfish..myself included! I am sure that I have done my fair share of hurting. But I am not talking about little knicks and cuts that heal up quickly. I am talking about deep wounds. The kind that you will only let happen once!

Right or wrong the relationships from my past have somehow formed the person I am today. Without even knowing, I changed.

So, is it being smart to keep people at an arms length? Safe?? Or am I missing out on a great friendship???

"Would you like smoke with that?"

Yesterday I went over to a friends house for a much needed playdate with the babies! We had a great time and decided to order lunch from a sandwich shop which happened to be just around the corner from my friends house. We decided that since we had the babies we would go ahead and just have it delivered...Big mistake!!

As we sat and talked and watched out the door for our food to arrive a van pulled up in front of the neighbors house. Hmmm?? Was this our food?!?! It was my job to pay the man since my friend was feeding her baby and decided against answering the door with her breast exposed...selfish I know lol. Anyways, I walk over to the door to get a closer look and see if this is our much anticipated food arriving. "Aw, nope! This dude is smoking...can't be our food!" I tell her. Or can it??? To my horror, I then see him toss the cigarrette out the window and proceed to grab our bag of sandwiches from the passenger seat!! OMG!

We look at each other in disgust! What do we do?? What do we say?? If you know me well at all you know that I instantly had the perfect,snotty, and sarcastic speech waiting for him on the tip of my tongue. But, as he got closer to the porch the true crime buff with the overactive imagination in me kicked in. ( I have probably watched every Dateline, 48 hours, american Justice, Deadly women, and any other crime show or murder mystery known to man!) Suddenly visions of my friend and her family tortured or even slain because I had pissed off the sandwich guy was just to much for me to bear lol. My husbands gentle reminder in the back of my head was also looming..."Stephanie, one of these days your mouth is gonna get you punched in the face or killed!" LOL So needless to say I made a quick judgement call and decided to keep my mouth shut. I did however take a dollar out of his tip money :) I decided to call the company next week when they couldn't trace it back to my friend incase he got in trouble..Did I mention he was scary lookin???

But Seriously!! I used to be a smoker and work for a sandwich shop and I would have never smoked on the way to deliver someones food! How disgusting and rude....Isn't there some kind of law in illinois against this??